\flow~

I should be studying for tomorrow’s chemistry exam tomorrow…but I’m in a writing mood haha

~/

So in my cognitive psychology class, we learned about this thing called flow. It’s supposed to be this series of actions that we kinda don’t have control over….it just happens on its own. But it’s supposed to be good for us and works as a stress-reliever I guess.

I still remember experiencing this kind of flow when I used to play the violin. On some days, the notes just flew out of my hand like my hand had a mind of its own. It was…mechanical precision with fluid grace. I think my life was a lot happier when I had access to this flow, but now my violin is in its case, resting against a wall 2500 miles away from me 😦

Ever since I came to Emory, I’ve been desperately searching for another kind of “flow” in my life ever cause I couldn’t bring my music with me. But that search hasn’t been going too well…

Any kind of cathartic relief would be really appreciated. Some people have suggested me trying a whole slew of activities, but to be honest I haven’t tried because I don’t think I’ll be interested in those things. I guess it’s only me being stubborn again, but I just want some sort of familiarity, I guess?

I’m just trudging onward. Always starting the day, waiting for the end. Taking what little respite I can… and repeat.

Maybe it’s my weak [or lack of] spiritual commitment that’s throwing me off. I’ve been all over the place lately with nowhere to ground myself to. I’ll be happy one moment, then sad the next. Annoyed with everyone and wanting to seclude myself, only to feel lonely soon after. I just want to eat, sleep, and stay in bed for a day or two haha

I feel like life would be so much easier on me if I had something to hold onto, be it God, music, friends, or whatever….

I’m still looking for my flow\~

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